Brendan - the Fwb
Post date: 2008-12-04
I believe every woman should invest in at least one of these relationships in her lifetime; the Friends with Benefits relationship or the FWB relationship.
I actually first met my FWB in elementary school. He was my first kiss. We were playing a kissing game in somebody’s basement at a party when my grade six lips were kissed for the very first time by grade “ sevener ”, Brendan Johnston.
Too funny of a story when I think about it now but in any case, we had lost touch for several years when I discovered we worked for the same company! Mind you, he worked in a completely different division, different office and different city but I came across his name in the company directory somehow!
No longer were we 11 and 12 years old but in fact, 24 and 25. We agreed to meet each other over drinks after reconnecting on the telephone. I was shocked to see skinny, little Brendan now over 6 feet tall, nice body, nice hair complete with sexy outfit and hot car.
We reminisced about the old days and flirted a lot but in the end, nothing happened. Maybe the spark just wasn’t there, maybe we were too lazy, whatever the case was, we ended up reuniting just as good “buddies.”
Brendan and I really developed a fun friendship, whenever he or I needed a date for some dull work event or a wedding we always had each other to take as a date. Whenever we were bored or wanted a dance partner for something, we always had each other to take as a date.
Finally the day came however, that our relationship turned in quite a different direction somehow. We never actually talked about it but we ended up making out on his couch that day. We were a bit uncomfortable about the whole thing afterwards and I rationalized it was just a “heat of the moment” thing, that we had been drinking at his place, we were relaxed and it was something that would probably never happen again.
The next time us two “buddies” went out as friends however, we ended up rolling around in his bed! Yes, one thing led to another and we had sex. The next morning was extremely uncomfortable for me but I tried to play it cool and just smiled as I got dressed and left.
When I got home I said to myself:
“What the fuck have I just done? ”
I was sure I had screwed up my friendship with my friend by screwing my friend. I felt so stupid and so embarrassed. I guess I would have to become my buddy’s girlfriend now because I was having sex with him. But when I talked with Brendan, there really was nothing there for either one of us. I didn’t want him as a boyfriend and it’s not like he was pushing me for a relationship either. I told him how I felt and he seemed pretty cool with it. No harm done and he was still my buddy. He was single, I was single, we both were horny and we were having sex, no big deal, right?
Riiiiight. So our sexual relationship continued for a couple of months and it really served its purposes. We would still hang out as friends, go for wings, hockey games, dancing and dinner parties but no one knew that we were having sex with each other in the evenings. There was something fun about that little secret we had going on and boy did we have fun!
In the end I realized it would have been really unfair to Brendan if I had actually pursued a relationship with him. I thought he would make a great boyfriend just not a great boyfriend for me. He was funny, sweet, had a nice condo, great career, hot car, was a great dancer and a smokin’ dresser. There was nothing wrong with him but I knew if I let romantic feelings get out of hand, things would probably ruin our friendship and I didn’t want that. I loved the guy!
He went away on a business trip one time and gave me roses before he left with a card attached. It read:
“These roses are for you so that when you look at them, you will know I am thinking about you”.
It wasn’t a crazy romantic thing to say but it was at that very moment I realized, this probably shouldn’t go on. Although I LOVED the gorgeous, red roses and enjoyed them thoroughly, it felt weird to get roses from my “buddy”. I knew we loved each other but could I risk us falling “in” love? There’s a big difference between loving someone and being in love with them. I decided then and there I would have to end the “hanky panky” if we wanted to continue as friends. Sigh, oh well, the sex was good while it lasted and at the end of this era, we’re still great buddies, we care about each other and whenever he’s single, I “promote” him to any of my good single girlfriends.
LESSON LEARNED: Never think you can turn a FWB relationship into more than it already is. Never think that a friend you are buddies with isn’t willing to jump in the sack with you either. As soon as romantic feelings emerge however, it’s a good idea to “cut the cord” and end your sexual relationship with your buddy. If you’re lucky like I was, you can thank your friend for the good times, end things tactfully and continue as friends. In my case, I feel I’m extremely lucky. I can critique his clothes, his girlfriends and to this day, I am a good enough friend of his to tell him whether I do or do not like his latest girlfriend and guess what…I rarely do! J