Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship: They Have Got a Temper
Post date: 2008-12-04
Let's face it. Some of us like a certain amount of danger in our lives. Living on the edge can be an exhilarating emotion. Sure you don't want to tip over but being so close can make you feel more alive that you have ever felt.
The same goes for some relationships. We have all heard the stories or known someone who enjoyed dating the wild woman or the bad boy. The great actor Rod Steiger told the story about how when he was in the Navy, he and a buddy would play a game with the ladies in the clubs. Steiger would walk up to a woman point to his buddy standing at the bar and warn her not to mess with that guy because he was dangerous. He said not more than five minutes later the woman would be dancing with his buddy. Apparently Steiger's friend also returned the favor.
That's all well and good but right now you have got a decision to make. The person you are currently dating has a temper. We are not talking a little irritation now and then. No it's the real deal and when they lose it, look out.
To be fair they have never directed it towards you. Any arguments or disagreements they have handled pretty well. In fact it was you who on occasion got more upset than they did. Nothing off the charts but your dating partner wound up being the calm one.
But you have seen them go. You always told yourself that their anger was justified. That is possible but it is hard to rationalize out of control anger. Sure they calm down and apologize (sometimes) but the truth is you are living in the middle of a storm. There are a couple of things to look for.
Is it one of those once in a blue moon deals or does it happen more often than you want to admit to yourself?
Does it come out in the form of verbal abuse or do they get physical. Physical does not necessarily mean you have to stop them from getting into a fight. It could mean slamming doors, kicking walls or throwing objects at no one in particular. When they do go off is it a combination of physical and verbal?
3. How Long
Their anger may be like one of those summer storms: quick, intense and then it's over. Or it could be one that takes awhile to subside. Naturally you want it to be over with as soon as possible but either one can be scary.
4. The Aftermath
Do they get apologetic or do they sit and stew about what just happened. They are not so much thinking what they did wrong as how they were wronged. You also have to keep your eye on the way they apologize. Sometimes it's more defensive than sincere.
Everybody blows their cool now and then. It's part of being human. However exploding into a rage on a regular basis is cause for concern. You may like your dating partner but watching them go over the edge once too often may be giving you more danger than you really want to bargain for.